Men and what I miss
The other day I told my sister that sometime in the future I would start dating again.
In our sister-to-sister discussion she asked me:
"Susan, What do you miss about a man?"
With much reflection, sighing and more reflection - Here is what I miss about a man:
I miss a man's voice.
I miss a man's laugh.
I miss a man's hands.
I miss a man's caress.
I miss a man's breath.
I miss a man's strength.
I miss a man's comfort.
I miss a man's taste.
I miss a man's hardness.
I miss a man's hands cradling my face.
I miss a man's soft secret whisper in my ear that causes me to catch my breath.
I miss a man's breath on the softest and most sensitive part of my neck.
I miss a man taking charge.
I miss feeling a 5 o'clock shadow in the palm of my hands.
I miss the feel of a man's skin against my skin.
I miss the taste of a man's lips on my lips.
I miss the smell of a man's skin after a hard days work.
I miss the smell of a man's skin after shower.
I miss a man's standing behind me and putting his arms around.
I miss seeing the depth of who he is in his eyes.
I miss feeling his heartbeat under the palm of my hand.
I miss watching the muscles and planes of a man move as he works.
I miss a man's honor, strength, courage and bravery.
I miss the very essence of a man.
The list of what I miss about a man could go on infinitely. Continuing to think about the rest of this list only leaves me 'wanting.'
I just miss too much and what I miss, I crave and desire.
Right now, what you hear is Susan sighing.......
I think, perhaps, what my sister intended to do was torture me not question me.
Oh so reflective,
Susan
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Where did time go?
The Passage of Time and Dating
I had a question posed to me the other day that left me somewhat speechless and without a single thought in my simple mind. That, in and of itself, is a rare occurance. Rare, because I am a person who cannot turn off their brain.
I had to give the question much thought because I did not have an answer.
The question was:
Susan, when was the last time you were on a date? Followed by: Susan, why so long?
I, at that moment, had no answer and could not even assemble some type of non descript answer. Blank! I tell you! My mind went blank.
The enormity of the question struck me!
How can something so important in a single woman's life be neglected and/or forgotten? What was I doing in all that time?
Well, after a thorough and complete reflection, I now have answers to the questions.
First, I don't remember the last time I went on a date. It has been that long.
Sad, Sad state of affairs for Susan!
Second, I do recall why I have not been on a date in so many unremembered years.
Here are all the reasons:
1. I committed to homeschooling my son for a number of years.
2. I committed to be a therapeutic foster parent for the same number of years.
3. I worked full time for the same number of years.
4. I worked and completed my Masters Degree full time within two years
of those same number of years.
5. I was bitten, unbeknownst to me, by a tick and became ill with Lymes Disease
for two of the years of those same number of years. (Thanks for asking - I am cured)
I spent those same number of years:
1. As a full time unqualified, yet devoted teacher.
2. As a full time mother; mothering not only my own child but the children of others.
3. As a full time employee.
4. As a full time student.
5. Fighting a debilitating and unexpected disease.
Those circumstances kept me busy, frustrated, flustered, tired.
No, no, you don't have to refer to me as Mother Theresa!!! Susan will do!
Sadly, oh so sadly, what I forgot to do was to be a woman and a lover.
What is stopping me from dating now?
Only one thing - The mastery of a certain number of yoga poses. If you don't know what they are: see my previous post. When I can hold each pose for, let's say, 10 minutes each, I will go on my first date in oh so many years and probably become, not so virtuous!
Smile and Smile Big!
God is Good and Life is Great!
Susan
I had a question posed to me the other day that left me somewhat speechless and without a single thought in my simple mind. That, in and of itself, is a rare occurance. Rare, because I am a person who cannot turn off their brain.
I had to give the question much thought because I did not have an answer.
The question was:
Susan, when was the last time you were on a date? Followed by: Susan, why so long?
I, at that moment, had no answer and could not even assemble some type of non descript answer. Blank! I tell you! My mind went blank.
The enormity of the question struck me!
How can something so important in a single woman's life be neglected and/or forgotten? What was I doing in all that time?
Well, after a thorough and complete reflection, I now have answers to the questions.
First, I don't remember the last time I went on a date. It has been that long.
Sad, Sad state of affairs for Susan!
Second, I do recall why I have not been on a date in so many unremembered years.
Here are all the reasons:
1. I committed to homeschooling my son for a number of years.
2. I committed to be a therapeutic foster parent for the same number of years.
3. I worked full time for the same number of years.
4. I worked and completed my Masters Degree full time within two years
of those same number of years.
5. I was bitten, unbeknownst to me, by a tick and became ill with Lymes Disease
for two of the years of those same number of years. (Thanks for asking - I am cured)
I spent those same number of years:
1. As a full time unqualified, yet devoted teacher.
2. As a full time mother; mothering not only my own child but the children of others.
3. As a full time employee.
4. As a full time student.
5. Fighting a debilitating and unexpected disease.
Those circumstances kept me busy, frustrated, flustered, tired.
No, no, you don't have to refer to me as Mother Theresa!!! Susan will do!
Sadly, oh so sadly, what I forgot to do was to be a woman and a lover.
What is stopping me from dating now?
Only one thing - The mastery of a certain number of yoga poses. If you don't know what they are: see my previous post. When I can hold each pose for, let's say, 10 minutes each, I will go on my first date in oh so many years and probably become, not so virtuous!
Smile and Smile Big!
God is Good and Life is Great!
Susan
Life Reinvented and Yoga
I stand at the precipice of the second half of my life.
A fact that, for most would bring fear, anxiety, foreboding and trepidation.
Startlingly, I have not felt one of those emotions.
I have never felt more alive and hopeful and at times - the magnitude of my bright future leaves me unable to contain my optimism and exuberance!
Let me explain why:
You see I stand at this precipice in my life with an unwritten script in my hands.
God has graced me with a blank script and has given me full discretionary power and unconditional authority over what is written in that script - Carte Blanche.
My heart, at times, quakes at the mere thought of the potential for my future!
I can literally, do anything or go anywhere. I am not a slave to others, environment, finances or any other circumstances beyond my control.
In lieu of all this, I decided I had to have a plan.
I started with a two year plan but I find the thought of waiting that long as painful. So I have implemented a one year plan. One year to frame my mind and slowly and carefully implement my unwritten script. I have decided to set a goal and when I reach this goal, I will know without a doubt that I am ready to start turning the pages of this unwritten script.
Now, I am sure you are shaking your head in confusion. Right? What does yoga have to do with anyone's future? Well, let me explain.
By definition, yoga is:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoga is a mind-body practice in complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) with origins in ancient Indian philosophy. The various styles of yoga that people use for health purposes typically combine physical postures, breathing techniques, and meditation or relaxation.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The benefits of breathing techniques, meditation and relaxation are noteworthy but I plan to use yoga as a measuring tool to decide when to start writing in this unscripted book of mine.
I figure that if I can do the following poses with great ease then I am ready to start writing in that blank script.
Those poses are as follows and mastery of them is not set in any particular order:
Downward Facing Dog
Side Reclining Leg Lift
Standing Half Forward Bend
Cow Pose
Heron Pose
Garland Pose
Cat Pose
Wide Leg Forward Pose
Bridge Pose
Extended Puppy Pose
Dolphin Pose
Standing Half Forward
Plow Pose
Happy Baby Pose
and the ever elusive:
Wide-Anggled Seated Forward Bend
Lofty goals I am sure, but reachable goals just the same!
So, dear blog reader(if I have any), I hope you enjoyed my reflection!
Do me a favor though, close your mouth and smile! I know you 'google'd the poses above.
God is Good - Life is short!
Smile Big - no - Bigger than that!
You stand at your own precipice of life.
Start writing your own script! You, with God's Grace, control your destiny!
Humbly,
Susan
As a disclaimer, this reflection is only my humble opinion and should not in any way be a reflection on my character. It is written purely for the sake of humor.
A fact that, for most would bring fear, anxiety, foreboding and trepidation.
Startlingly, I have not felt one of those emotions.
I have never felt more alive and hopeful and at times - the magnitude of my bright future leaves me unable to contain my optimism and exuberance!
Let me explain why:
You see I stand at this precipice in my life with an unwritten script in my hands.
God has graced me with a blank script and has given me full discretionary power and unconditional authority over what is written in that script - Carte Blanche.
My heart, at times, quakes at the mere thought of the potential for my future!
I can literally, do anything or go anywhere. I am not a slave to others, environment, finances or any other circumstances beyond my control.
In lieu of all this, I decided I had to have a plan.
I started with a two year plan but I find the thought of waiting that long as painful. So I have implemented a one year plan. One year to frame my mind and slowly and carefully implement my unwritten script. I have decided to set a goal and when I reach this goal, I will know without a doubt that I am ready to start turning the pages of this unwritten script.
Now, I am sure you are shaking your head in confusion. Right? What does yoga have to do with anyone's future? Well, let me explain.
By definition, yoga is:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoga is a mind-body practice in complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) with origins in ancient Indian philosophy. The various styles of yoga that people use for health purposes typically combine physical postures, breathing techniques, and meditation or relaxation.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The benefits of breathing techniques, meditation and relaxation are noteworthy but I plan to use yoga as a measuring tool to decide when to start writing in this unscripted book of mine.
I figure that if I can do the following poses with great ease then I am ready to start writing in that blank script.
Those poses are as follows and mastery of them is not set in any particular order:
Downward Facing Dog
Side Reclining Leg Lift
Standing Half Forward Bend
Cow Pose
Heron Pose
Garland Pose
Cat Pose
Wide Leg Forward Pose
Bridge Pose
Extended Puppy Pose
Dolphin Pose
Standing Half Forward
Plow Pose
Happy Baby Pose
and the ever elusive:
Wide-Anggled Seated Forward Bend
Lofty goals I am sure, but reachable goals just the same!
So, dear blog reader(if I have any), I hope you enjoyed my reflection!
Do me a favor though, close your mouth and smile! I know you 'google'd the poses above.
God is Good - Life is short!
Smile Big - no - Bigger than that!
You stand at your own precipice of life.
Start writing your own script! You, with God's Grace, control your destiny!
Humbly,
Susan
As a disclaimer, this reflection is only my humble opinion and should not in any way be a reflection on my character. It is written purely for the sake of humor.
Thoughts on Sin
A small reflection and writings by C.S. Lewis
Well, I have been humbled.
See, I have been pompously and ever so righteously been walking around for years thinking I was above everyone else because I was not a sinner.
When you foolishly imagine your perfection; you put yourself up on this very high pedestal, looking down on all in judgement.
Sooner or later, the fall will come and it is not a gracious fall.
What caused my fall. I did something that I never thought I would do. It was extraordinarily shocking that I could give into temptations so quickly and easily.
I am reflecting on this because it has changed me.
In my relentless pursuit to better myself, I search for answers.
I found this in a book I have by C. S. Lewis..
His writings always resonate for me.
“I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptations. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home, but the bathrooms are ready, the towels are put out, and the clean clothes are in the cupboard. The only fatal thing we can do is lose our temper and give up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of his presence.”
What did I get out of this writing by C.S. Lewis?
Temptation is unavoidable. I will give into temptation over and over again. It actively pursues me and seduces me. I must face temptations without reserve or fear. I am flawed and imperfect.
I went to another book which resonated even more. I read Psalm 139 and from these words:
I remembered that God loves me in spite of myself. He ordained my every day and knows my every thought and action before they occur. Humbly, I remember, my God is a forgiving God. He forgave me before I even fell.
Oh so reflective,
Susan
Well, I have been humbled.
See, I have been pompously and ever so righteously been walking around for years thinking I was above everyone else because I was not a sinner.
When you foolishly imagine your perfection; you put yourself up on this very high pedestal, looking down on all in judgement.
Sooner or later, the fall will come and it is not a gracious fall.
What caused my fall. I did something that I never thought I would do. It was extraordinarily shocking that I could give into temptations so quickly and easily.
I am reflecting on this because it has changed me.
In my relentless pursuit to better myself, I search for answers.
I found this in a book I have by C. S. Lewis..
His writings always resonate for me.
“I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptations. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home, but the bathrooms are ready, the towels are put out, and the clean clothes are in the cupboard. The only fatal thing we can do is lose our temper and give up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of his presence.”
What did I get out of this writing by C.S. Lewis?
Temptation is unavoidable. I will give into temptation over and over again. It actively pursues me and seduces me. I must face temptations without reserve or fear. I am flawed and imperfect.
I went to another book which resonated even more. I read Psalm 139 and from these words:
I remembered that God loves me in spite of myself. He ordained my every day and knows my every thought and action before they occur. Humbly, I remember, my God is a forgiving God. He forgave me before I even fell.
Oh so reflective,
Susan
A Fleeting Thought
A fleeting thought
This morning, an unexpected thought struck me before I opened my eyes, before I moved a muscle.
In that quick second, I just simply thought; "Thank you God for gracing me, as imperfect as I am, with another breath and another day."
That simple thought, like a barely heard whisper - there and then gone - brought me such joy that for a second I thought my heart would break from the power of it.
This morning, an unexpected thought struck me before I opened my eyes, before I moved a muscle.
In that quick second, I just simply thought; "Thank you God for gracing me, as imperfect as I am, with another breath and another day."
That simple thought, like a barely heard whisper - there and then gone - brought me such joy that for a second I thought my heart would break from the power of it.
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