I have to remember this song!

I have to remember this song.

I am waiting out for a hero.

Waiting
and
Waiting
and
Waiting

The song seems fitting and I know nothing to do with books.

But, I will remember if I put a reminder here. No one see this anyway!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBwS66EBUcY

Anais Nin

I have always loved her writings. I forgot that I did until I started
'finding' myself again.

She was a woman before her time writing 'erotica.'

I love erotica.

A quote and my thoughts.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness.

I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.
I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated.

I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding." Anais Nin
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I want a man to be in control. I want a man to be a hero. I want a man who is honorable, courageous, trustworthy, decisive and in charge and in control. I want a King Arthur, a Lancelot, a Sir Gawain and from other fictional characters; a Spenser, a Hawk, a John Wells.

I want a hero. I want the fairytale. I want to be Cinderella. I want to be rescued. I want to be protected and cherished.

I want
I want
I want

everything

with HIM.

I could not say this better.

Life expands or contracts in direct proportion to one’s courage."
— Anaïs Nin

"It takes courage to push yourself to places you have never been before... to test yout limits... to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to stay tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossum."
— Anaïs Nin


I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.
Anais Nin

For indeed my life is a perpetual question mark--my thirst for books, my observations of people, all tend to satisfy a great, overwhelming desire to know, to understand, to find an answer to a million questions. And gradually the answers are revealed, many things are explained, and above all, many things are given names and described, and my restlessness is subdued. Then I become and exclamatory person, clapping my hands to the immense surprises the world holds for me, and falling from one ecstasy into another. I have the habit of peeping and prying and listening and seeking--passionate curiosity and expectation. But I have also the habit of being surprised, the habit of being filled with wonder and satisfaction each time I stumble on some wondrous thing. The first habit could make me a philosopher or a cynic or perhaps a humorist. But the other habit destroys all the delicate foundations, and I find each day that I am still...only a Woman!"

— Anaïs Nin (The Early Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 2)

C.elibacy

I had a suprising comment the other day that has me thinking.

The person said, 'you carry your celibacy around like a trophy.'

Interesting. I never thought of it that way.

I just thought of it as a tortuous situation not a trophy.

I, at this point, don't think I have a choice. I can give 'it' up
or wait for HIM.

I think HE is worth the wait and when HE comes I can give him
the TROPHY!

Giving up my "Juiciness"

Wveryone tells me to just find a guy and get my ‘groove’ on but I can’t do that.

First, it would be giving myself away cheaply and second, it would be like cheating on HIM…. I have waited this long - 6 years, 6 months and 27 days but who is counting.

I mean, I am waiting on HIM and if I give my ‘juicy-ness’ up to someone unworthy, then what will I have to give to HIM.

If I don’t wait, then all I will have to give HIM when HE comes is guilt and shame.

I want to BLESS HIM, not CURSE HIM…………………………

Maybe my thinking is messed up. I might be too old fashioned. I don’t know.

I just have to wait on HIM.

HIM
HIM
HIM

Where are you?
Hurry up and get here already!

Over a Year

It has been over a year since I wrote on this blog.

Not much as changed but then a lot has changed. I asked God
to change me and that is what has changed. I asked him to change me
because I want to fall in love. And I realized I had wounds that I had
to have healed so I asked to be restored and refined for the man
who I would fall in love with. Because in the past year I have realized
that I want to fall in love deeply and madly with the man made for me.

I want God to bring me a hero so I have to become a heroine. I lost
myself somehow and forgot that deep inside me is a heroine.


Waiting
Waiting
Waiting

for

HIM.